The
Lantern Project web site and the support we provide is made possible
by funding from the
following organisations: Community Foundation for Merseyside, Neighbourhood Renewal Community Chest,
Awards For All, Expanding Horizons (Social Capital Fund),
Community Champions, The Gannett Foundation, The Estate of the late
Countess of Sefton, Wirral Social Services, Sefton Social Services
and private donnations.
If
you have been sexually abused, or you know someone else who has
suffered sexual abuse, you will find the information on this site
helpful.
Before
you begin to read it, however, you need to prepare yourself for
the possibility that you may find some of it very painful. The best
way to prepare yourself is to ask someone you trust to sit with
you while you look at the material.
If
you can’t do that, for what ever reason, the next best thing
is to think of something that makes you feel safe or happy or both,
such as a pet or a loved one. This image will be your ‘rescue
image’.
Then,
as you work your way through the site, if anything you read triggers
painful memories or makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, stop
– look away from the screen - close your eyes and think hard
about your rescue image. In a few moments, you will feel safe again.
Then take a rest from the site for a while and come back to it later.
It will still be here!
WHY
I SET UP THIS WEB SITE
My
name is Graham Wilmer (aka Peter Andrews). I was born in Bedford, England in 1951. I was sexually
abused by a male teacher at the Salesian College in Chertsey, Surrey, an independent Catholic school for boys, run by the Salesians of Don Dosco.
The abuse began in 1966 when I was just 14, and went on for nearly two years until I finally told the school authorities
what was happening to me. They swore me to silence and moved the
teacher to the Salesian College in Battersea, London, to protect him and the school's name.
I was left to fend for myself without any support from the school.
Neither my parents nor the police were told.
The
abuse left deep psychological scars which fundamentally damaged
me as an individual. I developed a range of coping mechanisms in
order to survive, including alcohol abuse, self-harm and sex addiction.
I found it difficult to settle and was incapable of forming lasting
relationships.
I
tried to pretend that it had never happened by burying the memories
deep in my mind, and for the next 30 or so years, I stumbled on
through life, but the legacy of guilt, confusion and anger was never
far from the surface.
Then,
about five years ago, the hidden memories began to re-emerge. A
trickle at first, then more, and more, each time becoming sharper
in focus and more detailed. They pervaded my mind during every moment
of every day, and haunted my dreams at night.
Eventually,
at the beginning of 1997, I broke down, unable to cope with the
force of these awful images, which totally overwhelmed me and took
me to the brink of self-destruction.
I
was lucky though, I had someone who stood by me. She looked after
me while I tried to find the support and counselling that I needed,
and I survived. But finding that help was not easy as there was
no central place to go to get advice, let alone help.
So,
to help other victims of abuse find the help they need more easily,
I set up the Lantern Project and this web site. I have also written
two books about what happened to me, and how I learnt to cope. The first, which is called Survivor - The long journey back
from abuse, was published under my pen name, Peter Andrews, on 1st September 2004 by Inspire. My second book, which is called Conspiracy of Faith, is written under my own name and tells the story of how I tracked down my abuser and brought him before a court. It will be published in June, 2006 by Lutterworth Press.
The
road to recovery from sexual abuse is a long and difficult journey,
but it's not a race. You can only go at your own speed.
What you must have to begin with thought is a map. A map that tells
you something about what you can expect to experience on the way,
and how to deal with those experiences when they happen.
You
also need a place to begin, like this web site. It's not perfect
and it doesn't contain infinite wisdom, but it answers most of the
questions victims of abuse need to ask. I hope and pray you will
find some comfort and support here. Be brave, you are not alone
and you can survive.
You can make an online donation to The Lantern Project by clicking the donation icon below:
By
clicking on the link above, you will find The Lantern Project Survivors
Forum. This section of the site is the real powerhouse – it
contains a wide range of relevant and helpful information about
the nature of child abuse, its impact and how to cope with the problems
that it causes, both at the time and in later life. The Forum also
contains news and comment about the way society is learning to deal
with the awful consequences of child abuse, and what steps are being
taken by those whose responsibility it is to protect children from
harm to stop child abuse from happening. The Forum also acts a gateway
to other support groups and contacts that can also help you.
The
information in the Forum has been collated from a wide range of
sources and web sites and is constantly being updated with new information,
but unlike many other resource sites, all of the information in
the Forum is interactive. You can comment on, or add to, any of
the hundreds of pieces of information in the Forum simply by clicking
the ‘Reply’ button on the right of the particular page
you are looking at, and completing the boxes that open to take your
message.
Once
you have done that, your comments will appear on the web site directly
under the original piece of information. If you want to add a brand
new subject, related to the particular category of subject you are
interested in, click on the ‘New Topic’ button in the
relevant forum and compete the boxes that appear. Your new topic
will then appear on the site along with all the other topics already
there.
The
Forum is a place where you can have a voice as well as seek advice.
Please feel free to register using any name you want to. You don’t
have to use your real name. leave your comments and ask any questions
you may have. If you have any questions that you want to ask without
them appearing on the site, you can e-mail me. I will answer you
and try to help if I can. Take care of yourself.
You can make an online donation to The Lantern Project by clicking the donation icon below:
Proud to be me
PROUD TO BE ME - A survival guide for victims of childhood sexual abuse. To purchase a printed copy of the guide, send a cheque for £4.50 made payable to The Lantern Project - 39 Rowson Street, Wallasey, Wirral CH45 5AS and include your postal address.
Or you can buy this booklet now online if you have PayPal. £4.50GBP
Site Navigation
Forum
News Portal- all the latest news from the
Lantern Project forum (use the links to the left of this page to browse the forum content).
Survivor- The
long journey back from abuse. Peter Andrews'
moving true story. To purchase a copy of Survivor send a cheque for £8 made payable to The Lantern Project - 39 Rowson Street, Wallasey, Wirral CH45 5AS and include your postal address.
Forthcoming Title
Conspiracy Of Faith - An Abused Child's Struggle for Justice
By Graham Wilmer
The true story of the author's search for justice following his abuse as a child by a teacher at his Catholic school, revealing the difficulties of prosecuting paedophiles within a Church that too often refuses to face up to the problem.
Conspiracy Of Faith will be published in June 2006
Audience 02 General Trade BIC Category CVC ISBN 071883058X EAN 9780718830588 26/06/06 Format PB, 192 pages, 234x156 £12.50
The Lutterworth Press
PO Box 60, Cambridge, CB1 2NT, England
Tel: +44 (0) 1223 350865 Fax: +44 (0) 1223 366951
email: publishing@lutterworth.com
